I am so upset with a friend of mine. I just listened to my voicemail and yesterday she left me one of those nice/nasty messages basicly telling me not to call her back because she is too busy to talk on the phone. Who does that? I know she has been kinda pissed at me lately because I haven’t been able to hang out with her as much. But she knows that I’ve been very busy, work is crazy, we moved and I’ve been sick. But it’s not completely my fault either, for three weeks straight she was making plans with me and then blowing me off. I still haven’t seen Sex And The City because of her. And then she has the nerve to say on my voicemail “I guess you don’t have time for me since your husband is back.” What? My husband has been back for two months this past month is when we had all the problems. She is purposely making my husband and me being married an issue. she’s always telling me how she is so independent and how she can do whatever she wants. Ok so can I, I just give my husband the common courtesey of telling him what I’m doing, the same respect you would give to anyone you were living with that you cared about. I shouldn’t even be stressing about it but it really ticked me off.

I just found out that one of my cousins is pregnant, she’s having a boy and the baby’s due August 30th. She’s three years younger than I am, single and is about to end the only career she’s ever had. But still, for some strange reason I feel a little jealous. I’m 26, I have a degree, a fairly fulfilling job and a husband, so what reason would I have to be jealous of her? I don’t know but I am. I mean I could have kids if I wanted to, God knows my husband wants them, but I don’t feel like I’m ready and I don’t know why. There are a lot of things I still want to do but there all doable with a child. My husband and I make enough to financially support one, and I love children, but I just don’t want any of my own right now. I know that there are deeper issues related to this but I don’t want to confront those issues because they could possibly end my marriage. i just don’t know what to do or how I should feel.

I’m at work and I’m so bored. There are tons of things I should be doing but I just don’t want to. I think my mind is still at home. We moved on base last week and there’s still a lot of unpacking to do. All of my issues with my mom are still there, I decided not to say anything to her becuse it wouldn’t change anything. I really need a vacation, just to go somewhere by myself for a day or two. I’m seriously thinking about checking into the base inn this weekend and treating myself to a spa day. But I’m trying to save money and I went shopping this weekend and spent to much. Maybe I’ll go to a movie instead, I don’t know yet.

Yesterday was my two year wedding anniversary, we went to dinner, a moraccan resturant in Sac. The food was good but I would have rather stayed in. We wanted to but my mom wouldn’t leave the house, she didn’t even go to church and she never misses a Sunday. She is so rude she never thinks abot anyone but herself, her friend even came by to take her to one of their meetings but she wouldn’t go. She had to know thatwe wanted to be alone. I don’t know maybe I’m expecting too much.

 

 

I feel so drained. I just don’t know what to do. My mother is driving me crazy, literally. She lives with me and my husband but she puts a real strain on me and my marriage. She lives with us because she is on oxygen and I don’t feel comfortable with her living on her own, and when my husband and I moved to California last year I thought that it would be best if she came too. But now I feel like that was a big mistake. I have never been close to my mom, he didn’t raise me she left me with my grandma and her and my brother moved to another state. I never really knew her untill I was 10, my grandma and I moved to where she was when she was diagnosed with her lung disease. We have never gotten along but sincemy brother doesn’t want her to live with him I’m stuck. I feel like she tries to make me miserable on purpose. She’s always calling me names and saying mean and nasty things to me, but what canI do? She’s my mother. I don’t even know why she even wants to stay with me, since I’ve known her she has always told me that she doesn’t like me and that she didn’t choose me, she just had me. But with all of this I feel like I can’t ask her to leave, I know I don’t owe her anything but I feel like God will punish me if I don’t take care of her. I feel like she is using me. I’ve told her many times how I feel but she doesn’t care, she just calls me pathetic and weak a bully’s me into submission. I just don’t know what to do, but I don’t think that her and I can continue to live under the same roof for too much longer.