I usually say that nothing embarasses me or rather that it takes a lot to embarass me, but what happened to me tonight made me want to die. My husband and I went bowling with two other couples and even though I don’t like to bowl and I suck at it I was actually having fun, everyone was getting along, laughing and cracking jokes it was cool. So we were at the end of the first game and it was my turn to go up. I wasn’t playing seriously because like I said I suck so I decided to try and get some laughs by “grannie bowling”. So I get my ball, squat and fling the ball right into the gutter. Now when I started I heard everyone start to make comments like “look she’s grannie bowling!” But then it went quiet, I turned around to see why they had all suddenly become silent and turned into  my husband. He was behind me, and he quickly picked something up, folded it and put it into his pocket. I didn’t know what he was doing but when I looked at him he quickly said  “your pad fell out.” OMG!!! I looked up at the other two couples and they had these wierd looks on their faces and were softly cheering for my gutter ball. They had all seen it. I tried to smile and walked straight to the restroom trying not to make eye contact with anyone, I was humiliated. When I came back everyone just acted like nothing had happened. They were being nice but a little too nice and that just made me feel worse.

Since I’m taking a personal day fom work today I decided to look up some of the people I went to high school with. I’ve been thinking a lot about my old classmates since our 10 year reunion is fast approaching, and I have to plan it. In a twisted way I sort of wished that everyone was doing well and accomplishing their goals so I could lament my life so that my husband would try to comfort me and encourage me to spend a few hundred bucks on myself. But everyone I looked up made me sad! Their lives suck, hard!!! No one’s really doing anything at all. Well most of them have children and that’s great, but what about careers and that something extra? I spend my life searching for that something extra, maybe they are too I don’t know. But it really made me think, I don’t want my job. I love it and when things go well I do feel like I make a difference. But I don’t think that I’m cut out for the 9 to 5 life, I need more a lot more. I’ve been feeling drained for the past few weeks and I thought that I just needed some rest, you know just tired. I realized I am tired, tired of my job. When I accepted the position I thought, good, I’m doing what a respnsible adult should, I’m joining the workforce. Wrong!!! The workforce is not where I belong, honestly I think I’m better than spreadsheets and quarterly reports, office meetings and reviews. Don’t get me wrong, kudos to anyone who can do it but I just can’t. Hell I’m young I want to travel more, learn new languages and meet people who’s spectrum of fun and culture extends further than a tall soy vanilla latte’ (I do really love starbucks though), but you get the point. But I’ve decided and I’m putting in my notice Monday and on the 23rd I’m going to NY and from their straight to Paris. I’ve decided to stay there for two week I want to soak up all of the atmosphere, I do not care what anyone think I’m doing it!!!