My friend threw me a wonderful baby shower yesterday, it was so great to be in a room full of people who were there because they like me. I’m so grateful that I have friends who love me, especially since I believe that loving me is probably a very hard thing to do. It’s damn near impossible.
Even in that room full of friends, I did feel some sadness and it’s the same sadness that has been with me my entire life. I feel like whatever I do I can’t get away from it. No matter how far or how fast I run it will be there waiting for me. Is it my destiny?
I remember as far back as when I was five or six years old, strangers would always tell me to smile and not to look so sad. People still stop me to this day and say the same thing. I wonder often, are my sad eyes the reason no one can love? Are they the reason my parents gave up and don’t want me in their lives?
So many questions I have. Why don’t my eyes show my curiosity or my love? Will they forever be sad? Or are they waiting for the right moment to show my joy?
I want the sadness to be gone from my eyes. Maybe then it will also take its leave from my heart.
